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Gayla

Ok, so I don’t know what to about DAVIE. I know, I know 2 days ago I was all about how great he is, etc. but he is soooooo moody. Like one minute he’s falling in love with me, the next he can barely be in the same room as me.

He said to me last night that he never feels happy anymore, that he’s so stressed, he’s got so much on his mind, blah blah blah. And I’m thinking “Hello! Why am I here then? Why do I bother coming round to see you, if you’re just as depressed when I am here as you are when I’m not here!”

He has got a lot on his mind. Stuff I cant really go into detail about on here. And I know that if I had those kind of problems then I would be stressed. And also, he does suffer with depression, which I know is an illness, and it doesn’t matter how much good stuff someone has, if they are depressed, they’re depressed. End of. But surely he should be glad to have me? I keep telling him that I’m here for him and stuff, and that he can talk to me if he wants to, but he doesn’t want to. He says “People are paid to listen to me talk, I don’t want to burden you” and he’s all quiet, and I have no idea what to say to him, and every time I do say something he says “Why are you being like that?” then he has a total change, and wants to kiss and cuddle and he’s all lovely again.

I’m so confused. I’m trying so hard not to push it and just let him be himself, and not keep on at him for being moody. I haven’t said a word about how I’m feeling. But the truth is, I’m a bit scared. Because I’ve let myself develop feelings for him, which now means he has the potential to hurt me. I said to The Maffia that I think I should end things, but if I do, it wont be because I want to, it will just be so he cant do it first. But then I feel like I would be doing what people in the past have done, and just given up on him. And I told him I wouldn’t hurt him.

My other theory is, that because he has been hurt by girlies in the past (he said to me once that he was scared to fall in love ever again, because he always ended up getting hurt), then he said he thought he was falling in love with me, maybe he’s trying not to get too close. Maybe he started feeling too much, and now he’s pulling back. I really don’t know. Either way, I’m confused, and I don’t like feeling on edge.

I’m not going to see him now till Saturday (because I am in the national pop quiz final, oh yeah baby!). so what do people think I should do? Shall I finish things? Or will that be cutting off my nose to spite my face? Do I see how things are when I get back on Sat? do I tell him how I’m feeling (which would actually be 20 times harder than you might think). Help me guys please!!!!

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