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Gayla

ao anyway, soooo much has happened since i stopped updating. i couldnt possibly fill you in on all of it, i would be here until next August. and quite frankly, at £2.50 an hour in this cafe, that would cost me a bloody fortune.

so rather than tell you every last detail of what has happened in the last 63 days, i will tell you of some disturbing news that was brought to my attention on Sunday.

i was sat, rather casually catching some rays in my Nans back garden, when my Auntie Jackie, out of nowhere, turned to my Uncle Barry, and said "Ahhh, do you remember the scrapbook that Becky had when she was little?"

i sat back and thought she meant the sticker books i used to keep of Care Bears and My Little Pony etc. so i was horrified when Barry said "What scrapbook?" and Jackie replied "you know, the one with all the Page Three girls in it."

What!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for those of you in America that may not know what a page three girl is, they are cheap tarts that pose on page three of our newspapers with their boobs out!!! and i had a scrapbook!! at the age of three!!! of all the boobies!!!

now, more disturbing than the fact that i even had this book, are three things which i will point out to you now.

1. What in the name of arse was the matter with Cliff??? why was she allowing me to keep a scrapbook of women with their tits out?

2. Why the hell was i allowed scissors at this age? or did Cliff simply cut the porno pics out for me??

3. presumably i used some sort of glue to stick these pictures in with. was it toxic? i do hope it was something safe like pritsick.

so there we go. in early life i was great big raging lesser. my Auntie Jackie actually said the family almost wet themselves with glee when i brought home my first boyfriend, because they all genuinely thought i was going to end up a lesbian spinster. its still quite likely i will end up a spinster, but i shan't be a lesbian.

so there we go, a bit of an update for you. i returned to work today, as thankfully my poor nipples are now free of infection, and i dont feel like i am going to vomit up my colon every time i move anymore. i will try and update again soon, if not this week, then after the weekend. it's Joey Baby's birthday on Sunday, and we all know she wont be happy until i literally cant remember my own name and start calling everybody Sylvia.

tally-bye!!!!

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