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Gayla

Hello!!!! guess what? Betchy here, not Liesal, i'm at my girls house and cant remember my password, so she is going to paste it onto my diary when i remember my password!!!!

so i guess Miss Lisa told you all about my latest escapade??? i have so much to update you all with i cant remember it all, but the latest is that i have been really ill the last 2 weeks, and do you know why?? because of the Minger we like to call Mallen!!! somehow i ended up bringing him home with me the other week, (well i say "somehow" he asked if he could come home with me and i said yes, he didnt threaten to break my arms or anything), and anyway, to cut a long story short we ended up wa-harrring the night away (very good it was too, he still has a nice big willy). anyway, during the wa-harrringness, Mallen (or Dirty Mallen as he will become known from now on) got his teeth around my nipples, which was quite nice at the time, kind of like a pleasure/pain thing going on. and i didnt think any more of it.

well over the next few days i noticed that i had bruises around my nipular area, and they were quite sore. it was like they were being sliced with a knife anytime there was the slightest breeze and they went erect. the pain was like nobodys business. then about a week after the sex-fest, they started pussing and sticking to the inside of my bra!! it hurt so much i wanted my breasts to be removed, honestly. then there was a pain in my chest, and the next day i got sent home from work because i was so ill, i was shivering (even though it was about 200 degrees outside), i was throwing up, i felt worse than i have ever felt in my life!!! i got sent home from work and quite literally did not move for 24 hours. Lisa and Joey Baby were looking after me, bringing me soup and glasses of water, Lisa even brought me round some DVD's. and some flowers (she just reminded me to put that in) they both said they had never seen me so ill. this is how ill i was. once i was able to move again, i went out into pubs and I DRANK SQUASH!!!! i didnt even want any alcohol. in fact yesterday i had my first alcoholic drink in two weeks and i was pissed after 2!!!

anyway to cut a long story short, when i went to the doctor, he examined my nipples (V. embarrassing standing in front of the male doctor with my huge baps out by the way) and said that they were infected and the reason i had been feeling so ill. all because of Dirty Mallen. he should have been the one drinking squash for the last 2 weeks!!!

anyway i am all better now, thanks to the TLC of my friends, but i have learnt two things and i think many of you out there could take heed from this also:-

1. its never good to sleep with Mallen. even if he does have a nice big willy.

2. although its nice at the time, be very careful when your man is gnoshing on your niplets. you never know what can of worms you could be opening.

there is also another story to tell, but i dont know if i have time. i've just asked Lisa if i should tell the story she has advised me yes, but has said i am not to paint her as the bad guy (even though she was). its a bit of an embarrassing story, and i cant say i am proud of my behaviour on this night, but when i tell you that black aftershocks were involved you may come round to my way of thinking.

we were out (as we so often are) one night, The Night I Lost My Senses Completely is what i am going to name this night, and you will shortly find out why. anyway there were a fair few of us, i was looking quite good (i had on my new "Look how big my boobies are" top) and a few shandies had been consumed by all. out of nowhere a man approaches our table, takes one look at me and proceeds to tell me how gorgeous i am for several hours, even going so far as to say i was perfect (if you've ever seen me, you will know that is very far from true), and it was all quite nice. compliments always seem so much more genuine when drunk, as i am sure you are all aware. anyway quite a few of my friends did sort of say "Becky, he's not what you might call normal" but in a much less polite way, in fact it was more like "Becky what the fuck are doing talking to that freak, he is a complete minger", so me, being me and having consumed alcohol, i start to get proper arsey, saying things like "just because someone is paying attention to me for a change, he has to be a freak!" and "none of you can stand it that someone is talking to me for once" and other such rubbish. so Lisa, being to good pally wally that she is, called him back over to the table, and told him to talk to me. then told him to kiss me. when i kissed him and it was like having my face wiped down with a dishcloth, that should have been my first clue that all was not well in the man, but as we left i swapped numbers with him (brain still clouded with alcohol and the compliments he had been giving me)

anyway, we were in the car driving home, and i say to Lisa "I think i'm going to phone him when i get home, i could do with a shag. he was alright wasnt he?" instead of say to me "actually Beck, i was just humouring you when we were out, he was actually the most vile man i have ever seen. under no circumstances should you phone him. ever." she said "yeah, he seemed really nice, and he might be good in bed" - (Liesal - I did not say this but becky has informed me in true take-a-break style it was like this - opps!)

so i get in, and i phone him. he is at my door within minutes. as soon as i got him into the light i realised i had a terrible mistake. he looked like he should have lived under a bridge. i have just said to Lisa that is the most perfect description i can find for him. anyway, i wasnt quite sure what to do because i had just invited him round, quite literally for a game of "hide the purple parsnip", he might have had a gun and used it if i said to him "actually, now i've seen you in the light i feel slightly nauseous, would you mind leaving?" so i turned off the light, swallowed the bile rising in my throat, and grasped onto the hope that he might have a powerful weapon hiding in his trousers, and that he really knew what he was doing with it.

sadly, that wasnt the case. his shagging was as bad as his kissing. worse actually. i was actually holding him up so his skin wasnt actually touching me at any point, because i didnt want to be tarnished by him in any way. after about 3 minutes i got fed up, pushed him off and said "this is a waste of time". they were my actual words. you would have thought he would want to leave after having his performance undermined like that, but no. he wanted to stay and tell me that i was "the best thing that had ever happened to him" and that "he thought he was already in love with me. is that a bad thing?" er, yes! it is! i couldnt bear to be near him a second longer, so i told him that my grandparents were picking me up at 3:30am (this was at 3:25am), to take me to Cornwall. i just wanted him out. he got his clothes on and i was bundling him out the door when he said he'd forgotten his shoes, so i went back in, grabbed them, and threw them out of the door after him. i am so kind.

so yes, that is my story. Joey Baby said to me "You are such a man!!!" when i told her, but sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind.

anyway, thats about it from me. to those 13 of you that have deleted me, your loss!!! you wont get to hear anymore fascinating tales of Betchy. (actually i thought i would have lost more readers in the time i have been away. heres a word to all of you that still have me.....DON'T DELETE ME!!! you never know when i might sneak an update in) apart from that i will get to Lisa to keep you informed of what i am up to. just in case something good happens! if you want to leave comments or notes, you can....my girl will e mail them to me. if you leave your e mail address aswell, i will email you back.

hope you're all well!!!

xxx

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