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Gayla

i have decided to completely wimp out about my sister. i havent heard from her anyway, but thats not unusual, she normally clls at the weekend. i am just going to ignore her calls for a while and she will know i am pissed off. just until i figure out what to do. this would be so much easier if i didnt love her so fucking much. apart from this, she and Amy are the best sisters anyone could have. they really are. and that is what makes it so much harder to decide what to do. i knew once i had calmed down i wouldnt want to sever contact with them, and i know that if i tell my Dad i will lose them altogether, and deep down i dont want that. however i am not going to take back what i said on Monday because that was how i felt at the time.

i feel a bit better today actually. i slept really well last night, and i spoke to a guy from Interrodate who i may be meeting up with Saturday for some fun and frolicks! also all of your comments and support mean the world to me and have helped a lot. i would especially like to thank This Wee Lass and This Young girly for the e-mails they sent me, they helped a LOT. and of course My Fave Chicken for her constant comments and support.

so anyway, today feeling far more positive. i guess maybe i was just having a bad few days. and i think the fact that i got a decent nights sleep last night really helped as well. i am feeling far more like Normal Becky again.

a realy strange thing happened yesterday too. one of Silver Twats friends, this huge black guy called Alan, came into work. i have met him a few times and he's always friendly, and he doesnt actually like Silver Twat very much. anyway he came into work and asked how i was and i said i was fine, and he said that i looked troubled. and suddenly i found myself pouring my heart out to him, telling him everything. and he just listened, and then gave me his number and said that if i ever needed to talk he was there for me. i wonder if thats the reason i feel so much better all of a sudden? and why i slept so well? i dont know what it was about him that made me feel so at ease and like i could tell him anything. i have only met him a few times, but he had a very calming aura and just made me feel so much better. what a diamond.

anyway, thats me today. thanks again for all your support. and Dooks? i love ya too!

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