NAVIGATION
profile
newest
host
back in the day

CONTACT ME
leave a note
e mail me

TREAT YOURSELF
pattymelt
jumblygiant
heelandlass
amb1valent-k
lostmystic76
chakra-chick
stillsingle
ameliorating
onewetleg
krugerpak007
ava-reborn
thedevlyn
dooki
acornotravez
princesse69
clarity25
goingloopy
chubbychic
hissandtell
plopphizz
liesal1979
poopiebitch
yelayna
bindyree
beckers-j
kiosh
ska-t
yeahimadork
zencelt
workcrush
smedindy
bitterwineuk
stepfordtart
smashthegas
unclebob
drbigbeef

OTHER FRIENDS
Cookie
HaloScan
LINKWHORE!!!

Gayla

firstly i would like to thank Lumenatrix, Linda, Jumblygiant, Loopy, Lostmystic76, and Portia12 for their helpful comments on the whole Gaz situation. what i have decided though, is i am not going to contact him now until he contacts me. if he is as busy as he says he is he probably doesnt appreciate the constant hassle anyway. he was online for a few minutes this morning (i guess just to check him messages) and he didnt message me, he hasnt text me or anything since yesterday morining, so i am leaving it now. also i have founf the "Leave it" approach more effective, as i hadnt text Silver Fox for a week and last night was getting texts asking if i was still ok with him, and could he come round and service me next week!! i love the way he calls it servicing me, although i prefer the terms "wa-harring" and "shmeeing". Aaaaaand he has been into work to see me today! result! yes, aloof and standoffish is clearly the way forward.

Well main news is that my Mum (Cliff) has to go to hospital tomorrow morning about her lump. they have said they will either do a biopsy, a scan or a mammogram, or they may do all three. its also likely that she will find out straight away what it is, so expect either a very sad or a very happy entry tomorrow, as she is going to call me at work as soon as she finds out. i dont know why, but for some reason i didnt panic when she told me about this on Sunday, because i thought "Well first she will have to go to the Docs, then she will have to be refferred to the hospital, then have tests, blah blah blah" and i thought we wouldnt find out for ages. but knowing that we might find out tomorrow really put the wind up me, and i dont mind admitting i cried my eyes out all over Joey last night. i wanted to throw my arms arounf Cliff and say "Please dont have cancer Mummy!!" but i know that me being strong is the only thing that is keeping her strong at the moment, so i waited until i got home to break down a little.

i dont know what i will do if it turns out the lump is malignant. i guess i will be strong and positive around my Mum and then go to pieces when she isnt there. but i just dont know. i cant imagine having to tell people "My Mum has breast cancer". i dont want to say those words. but i guess if she has i will have to tell people, like my work will need to know. But i cant actually imagine my mouth forming those words.

i actually prayed last night. i know hypocritical right? i have to be the least religious, most Atheist person on this God Damn planet (see blaspheming!), i think religion is crap (although i would never undermine others beliefs), and i was sat there praying my Mum didnt have cancer. i have prayed before. i prayed for my colleague Lisa's twin babies when they born at 22 weeks. i pray for one of my D-Lnad friends whenever she asks her readers to say a prayer for her. but i felt so selfish praying last night. it is selfish to pray even if you dont believe? i dont know. but i did it.

anyway, i cant seem to get out of this sombre-ness now, so i am going to end this entry.

please pray that my Mum is ok.....whether you believe or not.

Little Legs still not home.

*HUGS* TOTAL give me some lovin' *HUGS*
get hugs of your own