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my cats are about as much use as a chocolate teapot. seriously. there was a spider in my lounge last night, and i am beyond petrified of spiders. i would rather sit and discuss favourite foods with hannibal lecter than be in a room with a spider. even if they are tiny to me they look giant. and my cats? just sat and looked at it. KILL IT YOU FOOLS!!!!

well, i went up senoritas with vicky last night. when we were in there nicki (fents ex) came in and sat with us. i do not like that girl. before i had actually had a proper conversation with her i thought she was nice, but she is SO annoying. and dim. last night we were sat having a laugh, and all of a sudden she started absolutely pissing herself laughing. and said

"this one time it was soooooo funny, my friend came round to mine, and he took his shoes off, and his feet were just hovering over them!!!"

and she laughed like an earwig on valium for about 4 centuries. what is the matter with her? why is that funny? i couldnt even laugh out of politeness. i was still waiting for the punchline. if she'd have said "his feet were hovering over them and a big grasshopper jumped out!" there would have been a (mildly) amusing punchline. i just looked at her like she was a complete idiot (which she is) and politely excused myself to go to the bar.

do you like the colour of my layout? lets thank the legend that is onewetleg for all her hard work on my template. she is a babe.

anyway on with my story.

(i just need to quickly say, that i had no money last night at all. vicky paid for all my drinks, let me smoke her cigarettes, everyting. i told her that i had no money but she wanted to take me out anyway. do you think she might be slightly kissing my arse?)

anyway, i got a call from fenton asking where i was, and i told him senoritas, so him and his brother, stewart came to meet us. all stewart kept saying was "beck, dont you think your mate vicky looks stunning tonight?" "she's beautiful isnt she?" "if i didnt have a girlfriend i would fancy your mate vicky" "beck, sit next to vicky and i will take a picture on my phone" why are you asking me to be in it? oh, so claire wont get suspicious, you clearly just want a picture of vicky!!! oh, and then the real fly in the manger was when he said

"how long have you 2 been mates?"

"10 years stu, why?"

"so, if you both fancied the same bloke, who would get him?"

"who do you think stu? clearly vicky."

"and why's that?"

"look at her stewart, she's much better looking than me."

then all 3 of them started going "ahhhhh, you always put yourself down, you know you're gorge, blah, blah, blah" i dont want their sympathy, i am just stating a fact. if he asks a stupid question like that, and the answer is clearly going to be the one i gave, dont start telling me not to put myself down. thankfully fenton was not joining in his brothers ode to the wonder that is vicky, but i still started to feel a bit peeved.

vicky was loving it. she wont admit it, but she was. she walked past a table of blokes and they all started going "phwooar, nice legs, nice arse, nice tits" etc, etc. she came back to the table and went "oh my god that was so embarrassing, did you hear the things they were saying?"

i didnt tell anyone when i had walked past the same table of blokes a few minutes earlier they had said "fuck me, look at the size of her arse, she looks like a horse!" because stewart and fent would have kicked off at them.

this is really bothereing me. i have been friends with vicky a hell of a long time, and i have never once felt jealous of her. i have had no reason to. although i am big, i am not unattractive, and although vicky has always been slim, she's never been what you might class as "pretty". but recently she has started to look really good, and when we go out she is getting loads of attention, and i am not getting any. i am overshadowed by her. normally this wouldnt bother me, but when all your male friends, plus the bloke you are infatuated with keep going on all the time about her, it starts to get a little annoying. and it is making me resent her. what do i do? its not her fault she is becoming beautiful. its not her fault that men find her attractive. a lot of the time she doesnt even seem aware of it. someone suggested maybe i should distance myself from her but what do i say "sorry vick, i dont want to go out with you because you are too pretty, and men dont talk to me when you're there" how pathetic and petty and jealous does that sound?

i am jealous of her though. i'll admit it. as soon as fent and stewart had gone last night i started on her, being bitchy towards her, and sarcastic. she actually said "what do you want me to do, ignore them when they ask me a question?" and that would be the ideal, but it would be ridiculous. I AM being ridiculous. just because they find her more attractive than me, doesnt mean they like me any less as a person. i am not someone who is hung up on looks. i have never really worried about my own, and i have never gone for people based solely on their looks. when i first started liking fent, it was because i thought he was gorge, but then i got to know him, and we click (even if i am the only one that feels it). but i do truly believe that beauty is skin deep. whats inside is so much more important, and i know that i am a good person. i know that i am. but this thing with vicky is turning me into a crazy jealous bitch, and i dont want to be like that. i just dont know what to do to resolve it. please help me.

oh and had a review at reviewcity. its pretty good check it out!

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