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ye ha!!!!!!!!!!!!

well i am back, woken and refreshed after my 5 days off. and what a crazy 5 days it has been. lets give you all the low down.

THURSDAY

i went to ante-natal class with sal, and can i please just say WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS!!!! crikey, i really dont think sal is going to be thinking about the space between her ears and her shoulders when she has an 8 pound human coming from between her legs!!! can you believe that? that is honestly what the woman was saying "close your eyes, and as you're breathing think about the space between your shoulders and your ears, think about the space between your fingers and the end of your fingernails (!), all the timme keeping up with the puff puff blow technique", well i, for one, was stunned!

FRIDAY

i met cliff in town and did a bit of shopping. actually, i say shopping, i mean i bought every single cleaning product ever invented, went back to mine and i SCRUBBED!!! i even bought a scrubbing brush and i cleaned my whole flat, in the 80 degree heat, and i sweated, and i puffed and i dripped all over the place (from sweating not anything else), and finally my flat was clean. but not the kitchen. i couldnt bear to do that after all the work i put into the rest of the flat.

i had spoke to fenton earlier in the day, to see if he wanted to come out with me and sal up senoritas. he said to phone him about 8. me and sal went to senoritas about 7ish, just because it was payday, and its the law to go out and start drinking early when its payday.

well i decided that to drink 87 drinks in the first 6 minutes would be a good idea. well maybe not 87 but close to it. maybe 85.

i was quite drunk to say the least. fenton stitched us up, but i didnt even care, because:-

number 1. i was beyond drunk, and, to be fair, he could have been sat on my head and i would still have been quite unaware of his presence.

number 2. i was being chatted up by a GORGEOUS 17 year old.

yes. me. overweight, roots of my hair need doing, nice but you wouldnt want her as your girlfriend, me. being chatted up by someone young and virile. not only was he young and virile, he was quite spectacularly beautiful lookswise.

unfortunately, my common sense took over. which was odd after the amount i had to drink.

he gave me a hand at the bar, and kept putting his hand up my skirt. so i said

"you shouldnt be doing that, you're only, what, 19?"

"ok then, if you think i am 19 i will stick with that."

"why, how old are you?"

"17."

"17!?!?!?!"

"yeah."

"well you definately shouldnt be doing that then, you will get me arrested!!"

"come on, your beautiful. i might only be 17, but i am good"

"i'm not doubting that"

"let me fuck you all night"

"pardon?"

"let me make love to you all night"

"look, i really cant let you do that. its not that you're not nice, but i really dont think that prison is very nice this time of year!"

and that was that. well he still kept trying. and he sat with us all night. and i kept looking at him thinking "he is gorgeous. shall i?" but thankfully, even my drunk brain was clever enough to think "17!! 17!! 17!!"

so that was friday.

SATURDAY

well if you are expecting me to say i wasnt drunk on saturday i could say that.

i could say that of course, but i would be lying.

i went out with joey baby. at 1:30pm. and we started drinking then. in the sun. oh. my. god.

we were drinking pints, because, for some reason, when the weather is nice and you're drinking outside, you have to drink pints. well you dont have to, but if you are me or jo, you do.

anyway, we sat outside nicks bar (note: during the summer months, everybody, but everybody is at nicks bar. big open outside bar overlooking the sea front. during the winter there is absolutely no-one there at all) while we were sat there, my friend lee strolled past and came and joined us. at this point i still was not sure what i was going to be doing during the evening, so i text sean (one who i got a bit funny with about my sister. my best boy mate, also somewhat of a "fuck buddy"), to see what he was doing that evening. he text me back saying he was going out with some other friends of ours and their girlfriends. i text him again saying i wasnt doing anything, and the cheeky fuck text me back saying "it would be a bit shitty for you, because everyone will be coupled up". so i had the right hump with him.

it didnt matter in the end because we stayed outside nicks bar all day, then got some drink and went back to joeys and drank there. i fell asleep on their sofa, and joey woke me up about 12:30 because my phone was ringing. it was sean. this was our conversation.

me: hello?

sean: where you at, smack?

me: i'm at jo and andys, why?

sean: come and meet me

me: no

sean: why not?

me: because i was asleep

sean: come on, come and meet me

me: no sean i am in bed.

sean: get a taxi, meet me at yours, and we'll have sex.

me: sean , if you wanted to meet me, you had the oppurtunity earlier. the only reason you didnt invite me out is in case you managed to pull some little 16 year old, and you didnt want me there hindering your chances, not that i really care what you do. now you're drunk, you havent got a bird with you, and you decide to ring me up. well that isn't how it works i'm afraid. you should have met me earlier. i am not getting out of bed, forking out money for a taxi, and coming all the way home for the sake of a 10 minute shag.

sean: i can last longer than that

me: goodnight sean.

and i hung up.

SUNDAY

went to the pub with cliff and roger at 2pm. started on the old double vodka and cokes, because that is obviously a good idea when you have already drunk your own bodyweight in alcohol over the weekend. went to theirs and had dinner, the went and met vicki at nicks bar. when we got there my friend dom was there, so he joined us, and we had a few drinks there. then we went to senoritas, where i saw nicki (girl fent has just broke up with). she kept saying that she wasnt bothered that he broke up with her, but she quite clearly was very bothered. she said that she thinks he has got a screw loose, he's not all there, he was an embarrassment to be seen with, all quite horrid stuff actually. i just sort of sat there drunkenly nodding and slurring "dont worry about it, men are wankers" at 10 second intervals.

there were loads of people i knew out, then we decided to go up sands, which was packed. cant really remeber a lot of what happened in there, but i know i was trying to dance and not making a very good job of it.

how upsetting.

MONDAY

i was quite literally hanging out of my arse when i woke up. i had promised emma that i would go out with her that night, but i realy didnt think i could manage it. i text her saying i didnt want to go, but she wheedled me into it. so out i went. it was me, emma, claire, and stewart (fentons twin). fenton was at home looking after his brothers little boy. stewart thought it would be really funny to write on these little bits of paper "becky loves marc" (which is fentons first name). i, however, didnt find it that amusing. stewart kept on saying "do you fancy my brother?" to which i kept replying "no" but i dont know if he believed me. then stewart said "actually, its probably better if you dont, because i know he really respects you as a friend. he thinks you're really sound (which i am) and he would rather have you as a friend than anything else in case it got in the way" yes well thats good then isnt it stewart, thank you for that useful little insight into your brothers brain, like i could not have figured that out for myself!!!!

stewart then nearly got in a fight with about 10 blokes, because emma and claire got up on karaoke, and this bloke shouted out "get your tits out!!" to claire.

they went home then, and me and emma went up sands again. i hate that place, and it was the second time in two days i was up there!!! and it was absolutely packed!! and it was a monday!!! i had to more or less amuse myself, because emz had found a bloke to shmee with. i have gotten used to this with emma though, she pulls very easily, and tends to forget you're there. but its all good. i was quite happy anyway, as they were playing a load of really good late 80's songs. paula abdul "straight up" and "opposites attract" they may even be early 90's, but anyway, i was loving it, dancing away by myself. then emz and this blokey started looking as if they may start having sex on the dance floor shorlty, so i decided to make like a rabbit, and run.

aaaaaaaanyway, strolling home along the sea front, and this bloke started chatting to me. not in a sleazy way or anything, he seemed quite shocked that i was walking home by myself at that time of night. he ended up walking me home, and he was really lovely. i wanted to invite him in when we got back, but once again, common sense filtered into my alcohol soaked brain and said "work tomorrow". we chatted for a bit outside mine, then he thanked me for my company and gave me a kiss on the cheek. his name was jordan, and he was lovely. really lovely. and then when i got inside i thought "why didnt i get his number!!!!"

and now i may never see him again,

but quite a good weekend all in all.

*HUGS* TOTAL give me some lovin' *HUGS*
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